Over the Influence
by Elmm
Summary: Jackie loses the narcotics and gains a life. It's kind of incredible what five years can change in a person. All Saints Hospital: once hell now heaven? Will include all major characters and plenty of heavy drama . . .
1. Chapter 1

**Nurse Jackie**

**Over the Influence**

Disclaimer: Characters not mine.

-x-

A woman will encounter several crises in her life; many of these crises will test her in ways she wished she would never be tested. There is never a time when the testing is through, but there are times when a woman will reach a lull. Maybe that lull is right now.

With her chafed hands stuffed into her denim pockets, she watches her daughter take the keys to the old copper Buick LeSabre and open the driver's door. Now is the moment to be a teacher, a mother, a friend. But is it a lull?

Even the car engine sounds nervous as it starts up.

Grace pokes her head out the window and glares expectantly at her mother. "There's no way I'm doing this on my own."

What a valuable lesson to be learned. None of us are doing this on our own. None of us.

Jackie pulls out a tissue and rubs the itch away from her nose. Maybe she could spare a swipe or two to her eyes as well . . .

"I'm comin', pumpkin."

And she gets in the passenger seat.

Grace's hands are trembling on the wheel.

"Now, it's gonna feel a little weird at first, but that's normal," Jackie spews some motherly advice because what do you fucking say to your daughter when she first gets behind the wheel? "Think of it like learning to ride a bike for the first time."

Grace turns up her glassy gray eyes in terror.

"I crashed my bike on my first time."

Good God, how could she forget? They had that on tape, didn't they?

"Well, that's why we're in a vacant parking lot."

Grace doesn't look convinced.

"Remember what you learned in Driver's Ed," her mom reminds.

The teenager shifts her wad of chewing gum from one side of her mouth to the other and her teeth chatter before she shifts the gear to the big bold letter "D". . .

**-x-**

"Look, it's not a big deal, sweetie. See? Just a scratch on the side mirror. Nobody's even gonna see it."

Grace was in tears.

Her dad interjected, "You know, Grace, you have to get used to making mistakes if you want to be a confident driver."

Grace threw her hands up in the air. "Oh, can we stop fooling ourselves? God! Since when have I been a confident _anything?_"

"Sweetie . . ." Jackie had plenty of time to work on her gushing.

Grace rubbed her face on the sleeve of her hoodie and coughed on her own saliva. It was a pathetic sight. But boy, mothers sure found those pathetic sights worth hugging . . .

Grace didn't protest, but she didn't really give in either.

Over her daughter's shoulder, Jackie caught Kevin's eye and winced pointedly. That was the signal ex-wives used to alert their ex-husbands that something needed to be said, and fast.

"Grace," Kevin began with a heavy sigh, "I know it's rough when you're first starting out, but things will get better after you practice a little more. We're in no rush to get your license, right? It's why we chose to start as soon as possible."

Jackie sent him a look of mute appreciation.

"Your dad's right, baby," Jackie murmured into her daughter's frizzy blonde hair. "You're gonna be fine."

She pulled back to gauge Grace's facial expression, content enough to find the bitter edge to a smile in place on her chapped lips.

"We'll take the car out again tomorrow afternoon," Kevin offered.

Grace nodded and gave him a grudging, one-armed hug before jogging back to the house.

Jackie fumbled with the keys to the Buick for a second or two before tossing them to Kevin.

"Better your car than mine."

He let his head fall back and laughed. "Come on."

"I told you it was gonna be bleak."

"Your not impressed that she didn't have a panic attack when the engine started?"

"No, I'm impressed. It's just a little depressing for a first time experience. Aren't these supposed to be fun, joyous, laughter-filled moments when a kid first gets to drive a car?"

Kevin's face grew dark. "Since when has Grace had an experience that was joyous and laughter-filled?"

Jackie paused to think, only to find that there wasn't anything to think about. It was true, Grace avoided anything new or exciting to avoid failure or avert disaster. They had dealt with it since she was ten, but the only progress she'd made was that she could now teach kindergartners fire safety rules as a volunteer job.

Jackie shook her head. "God. It's the teenage phase. It's just a million times worse with her."

Kevin shrugged and his jacket made a crinkling noise that echoed in the quiet driveway. "Relax. She'll pull through it like everyone else does."

"Yeah, but it'll be hell getting there."

He exhaled in agreement. There was a second of silence and then he changed the subject.

"You gonna drop by tomorrow night after work?"

It was a familiar question. He seemed to want her around more than she was comfortable with. They _were _divorced, but it was ironic how much easier it was to get along with the person once you didn't have to share a bed with them.

"Eh. I don't know."

A light turned on in the house next door, and Jackie used the distraction to look away. It must have been nice to have neighbors.

"Jack."

She snapped back to reality and opened her car door.

"I'll think about it."

The door closed, and she started the engine. Kevin tapped his knuckles on the glass so she rolled down the window and pursed her lips, waiting for whatever he wanted to say.

"You know we've been pretty great together - especially these past few months."

That, she wasn't expecting.

"Yeah. I got it."

For some reason she smiled a little.

Kevin's voice dropped an octave. "Do you ever regret it?"

He didn't need to be specific. Any time they said "it" they meant the divorce. It was just understood.

She stared at his face for a long while, and whenever she did that - the long, hard stare - she _had _to be honest with him.

"No. I don't regret it," she admitted, and shrugged with an innocent grin. "Do you?" she tried to sound more concerned than she actually was.

His smile seemed genuine, and she was relieved. "No."

With that, he knocked the roof of her car and waved her out.

"Tomorrow night!" he called as she backed out of the driveway.

"It's a big maybe, Kev!"

"You don't wanna miss the penne a la vodka, do you?" he shouted with a grin.

Damn. That sounded good.

-x-

**Ok, so that's my springboard. What do you think? **

**I've got a plan for this, I swear. Things will get complicated and all that good stuff, every character will make an appearance at some point in the future, that is, if people seem interested in me continuing. I'm just gonna go into hibernation for a while and see what happens. If I get the go ahead from my muse, I'll be back. :)**

**Review if you feel motivated. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Nurse Jackie**

**Over the Influence**

**2**

-x-

All Saints Hospital was doing well.

They never really thought this day would come - as much as they'd wanted it to, and as much as Akalitus pulled puppet strings daily to make it happen sooner, it somehow _did _happen. Somehow they were here without wishing they weren't. Somehow their patients were here without wishing the ambulance driver had chugged down one extra Sangria that night.

The changes were attributed to many factors. One of which was Jackie's own return after sobering up. The twelve steps were a challenge for many, but with a quick mind and a little harmless cheating along the way, they went pretty fast. Oh, she was sincere for certain, it was just much harder to face the world when your brain was coated in 'kill me now.'

Other nurses came and went while she was away. Other _doctors _came and went while she was away. Zoey and O'Hara called weekly to make sure she was keeping up with the 'system', but they were too indulgent for Jackie's independent liking.

A higher power let her move on with as much force as was _not _necessary. She had never been one to give in to the grudge. It had taken fist fights and angry words and a great golden surrender on her part - what a moment that was - but she had made it over the fence alive.

Her scratches were still healing, but that was the best part.

Returning to All Saints was a crazy adventure indeed. They really hadn't expected her to come back at all, and she found it rather like walking into the movie set of a tacky sequel where all the characters were predictably stunned to see their counterpart resurrect from the ash left behind by the old director's boots.

Jackie had been pleasantly surprised to find Dr. Cooper had transferred, Eddie still had his job, and Zoey no longer fumbled with the IV tubes. O'Hara was thrilled to have her best friend back, though they had never really been apart. It still felt special. Even Jackie could admit that.

It was even a little comforting when less than a month into it, things started turning back to the same old, irritating routine. But it was a hospital for fuck's sake. If she ever thought the tiles would gleam flawlessly forever, she would have been an idiot.

For the first time since she'd received her nursing degree, Jackie remembered why she had been so into this scene in the first place.

It was raw and rough. She could get high off of healing people instead of drugs. This was what getting high was all about.

This was the healthy high.

For a while it was enough. But everyone knows the crises come back. A stain of the past addictions was still there - like an embarrassing tattoo on her belly she just couldn't completely cover up.

It wasn't a big deal. At least she didn't write it off as a big deal. Everyone wishes they could fall of a bridge or get wasted when bad stuff happens. It's part of being human. The sober life wasn't any more or less pleasant than the stoned life.

It was just really different. She'd forgotten what it was like.

She had to adjust.

A year after she started back at All Saints, she thought she was over the culture-shock.

Apparently she was wrong.

-x-

It was one of those weird days where the rush happened early in the morning - right when you got there, something rolled in screaming on a gurney and it was off with the coat, in with the scrubs.

There was something nice about the hectic atmosphere. Hell no, she didn't want it to be like this every day, but once in a while she needed it. Just to feel important. Every swing of her arm was significant. Every decimal recited to the doctor was a life-sentence. Every accidental bump into the nurse behind her was a mutual bonding. This was how to get high.

The rush was a fast one. They worked like ants in their well-established ant-hill, and Akalitus was glowing from head to foot, which was neither a pleasant nor unpleasant sight.

A swell of contentedness befell the hospital staff once the afternoon rolled around. They were proud of themselves for all the lives they had saved, all the good they had injected into the world, one vaccine at a time.

Lunch tasted so much better after one of these mornings.

"I told you about the replacement for Dr. Stephan, didn't I?" O'Hara asked for the twelfth time, swishing her raspberry iced tea around her glass in a not-so-discreet signal to the waiter for more.

Jackie groaned. "Yes. Yes, you told me. New doctor, big threat. It's up there."

"Well, I've been counting down the days, darling. The least you could do is be a bit supportive."

"Supportive of what? Playground bullying tactics? Welcome mat weaving?"

O'Hara tossed her long hair behind her shoulder and spoke slowly and articulately, "I want to make a good impression." She raised a pointed finger. "Nay, a godly impression."

"Hm. Godly." Jackie shook her head. "They'll love that."

"My GOD. What will it take for this poor bastard to get his arse over here?" O'Hara made a maraca out of her ice-filled glass and plastered a simpering smile on her face.

The young man stopped fumbling with the tangle of his apron to skid across the room to their table. "My apologies, Ma'am."

All it took was a foreign accent to intrigue O'Hara. Granted, that happened often in New York City. "Russian, are you?" she asked with a grin.

He nodded.

O'Hara curled her fingers seductively around her glass and lifted it for the waiter to refill. "Zapolnit' yee."

"All right, yes, thank you." Jackie shooed him away. "I think we're about done here, Roberta Lovelace." Clamping a hand around her friend's shoulder, the no-business nurse pulled the flirtatious doctor up out of her seat.

-x-

The remainder of the day was uneventful, which was a nice way to end a hectic morning.

Before she left, Jackie made sure to stop by O'Hara's office for a favor.

"Would you mind writing Grace a birth control prescription? Oh, and none of that full-dose estrogen shit - the last thing she needs is more fucked up hormones."

O'Hara was bemused.

"And why am I writing the anxiety-ridden sixteen-year-old a prescription for birth control?"

"Jesus, she's got cramps."

O'Hara's eyebrows raised elegantly.

Jackie rolled her eyes and spelled it out. "Really. Really. Bad. Cramps."

"Right. I'll take care of it tonight, then shall I? Care to join me for a cashe dinner at La Sirene this evening?"

"Ack. I have to decline."

"What, now . . . ?" O'Hara gasped and pulled her shocked face.

"Yeah, yeah. It's just Kevin wants me there tonight - I do really wanna see the girls."

"Aw, now that's a mother's true calling. Want me to bring some leftovers up?"

"Uh, I don't think Kev would appreciate that after all the work he's going through to make his signature pasta dish."

O'Hara was shocked.

"You're abandoning _me_ for some al dente disaster?"

"Why don't you just sacrifice a first class meal for one night and come up with me?" Jackie practically pleaded.

"Well you know I would, but I'll be needing an extra sanity nudge tonight if you catch my drift. Don't want the girls wondering why Dr. O'Hara carries her own bottle of Chamborde."

"Okay. Better stay downtown, then. We don't want you to soil the suburbs."

O'Hara grinned and stood up from her desk to stretch. The stretch elaborated in such a way that her arms extended forward, drawing Jackie in for a hug.

"If you need anything, Love,"

"I will call-"

"Ah ah! Text!"

"Text. Right."

"Mmm." The doctor's brown eyes sparkled in a strangely motherly way as she considered her shorter friend. "You know he wants you back, Jacks."

Here they go again.

"Pft."

"This spontaneous string of dinner dates is a sign . . ."

"It's a sign that we made a smart decision to be apart."

O'Hara wasn't convinced.

"You don't think he misses you?"

"The girls miss me," Jackie mumbled as she zipped up her coat. "That I know."

-x-

**Thanks to anyone reading. I've got a pretty good plan for where to take this, so fear not. There will be drama on the way. **

**Please review or message if you like it.**

Elmm


	3. Chapter 3

**Nurse Jackie**

**Over the Influence**

**3**

At seven thirty in the evening, she stood outside the front door to Kevin's house with the porch light blinding her tired eyes.

It was fucking freezing out and he was making her wait.

She rung the doorbell once again, and heard the comforting rush of hurried footsteps toward the door.

"Ta da," she muttered as he let her in.

Kevin turned to yell up the stairs, "Girls, we have a surprise dinner guest!"

"Mom!" Fiona sung loud and clear.

Jackie glared at her grinning ex as he sidled into the kitchen.

"Hey! Hi, sweetie!" Her smile was quickly in place as her younger daughter came running down the stairs in pajama bottoms and a white tank top that must have been at least two sizes too small. Kevin was clueless when it came to clothes. She made a mental note to take the girls shopping sometime next weekend.

Jackie was almost knocked over from the force of Fiona's hug.

"Woah. Okay, Fi. I just saw you yesterday."

"Yeah, but I just waved from the window."

Jackie suppressed a pang of sadness at her daughter's disappointed murmur.

"Hey, mom." Grace was notably calmer as she descended the stairs, walking carefully so as not to trip on the carpet. She wore a pink terrycloth bathrobe over her shorts and was dabbing her wet hair with a towel.

"Hi, honey." Jackie paused, afraid to inquire about the afternoon's events. But Grace's eyes were open for the inquisition. "How'd the driving go this morning."

Grace put her walls up and shrugged.

"Not bad."

Jackie smiled sadly, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"Girls, come on in and help set the table for Mom," Kevin called from the kitchen.

"No, no. I will do the table setting," Jackie announced as she entered the small room. "I insist."

Kevin gave her a weird look.

"I'll get the plates," Fiona offered.

"Wow, it's like a sauna in here," Jackie mumbled just loud enough for whoever was listening to hear as she tugged her coat off and slung it over one of the chairs.

"Do you have to carry so many, Fi?" Grace asked from the doorway, her eyes full of worry as her sister attempted to balance a stack of ceramic dishes.

"I've got it." Fiona's voice was cold.

Jackie held out an extra hand, just in case. "Honey, we only need four."

"I like a separate plate for my bread," she explained, smiling fondly as she selected a smaller dish from the middle of the stack.

Grace rolled her eyes.

Jackie struggled for something to change the subject, but Kevin beat her to it.

"Alright, everyone sit down, and I'll get this sauce off this stove."

-x-

Dinner was a strange ritual. For the forty or so minutes they spent around the table eating, they really did become a family again. It was like the food and the tableware enabled them to enter some alternate dimension, transporting them back to their prior roles. They sat down at that table together, and it was like they'd never left.

After their plates were cleared several times over, the girls mumbled their goodnights and trudged back upstairs in their terrycloth and tank tops.

"They love seeing you," Kevin mentioned off-handedly as the couple silently organized the dishes.

Jackie paused over the counter, her arms suddenly too stiff to move properly. "I love seeing them."

"You could come over more often."

A brief echo of O'Hara's earlier words repeated in Jackie's head as she considered the suggestion.

"Do you really _want _me to come over more often?"

Kevin straightened up, defensive as was his weakness to get. "Do _I _want you to come over more often?"

She turned to face him, her eyebrows raised to maximum height.

"I -wouldn't mind it, no," he stuttered a bit through his answer.

She sighed and turned to the window with her hand over her mouth.

"Jesus, Kev. What the fuck is going on with us?"

"Nothing. Unless you _want _there to be something going on with us."

"Oh, don't do this. Please."

"Jackie, what do you want me to do? You're away for years, you're forced to miss crucial turning points in our daughters' lives, you come back and suddenly everything feels _right _again." His voice was almost heartbroken and it hurt her to hear it. "How can I not want you to be around more often?"

"I can't be with _you_, Kev."

"Why the hell not?" he whispered.

"Because we can't keep doing this to each other. You're doubting our decisions and I can't deal with that."

His eyes narrowed. "Do you know what it's like for me?" _Oh, God. He was going to say it. He was going to say it and she didn't want to hear it._ ". . . I still love you."

Her head was aching.

"Stop."

"Jack."

"We can't," she huffed, running a hand through her short hair. "We can't keep doing this."

"No. You're right." He said it surprisingly quickly, and she looked up to be sure he was genuine.

"We have to move on, Kevin," she pressed the nail further.

There was a hint of uncertainty in his lost eyes as he stared down at her, the kitchen light making his face look sadder in the garish shadow.

"Is that really what's best for the girls?" he asked, a tone of warning to his deep voice.

"It's what's best for us."


	4. Chapter 4

**Nurse Jackie**

**Over the Influence**

**4**

At eight-thirty in the morning, Eddie sent her a text.

_-Need to preorder any prescriptions before noon?-_

She ignored it.

Two minutes and forty-three seconds later:

_-I miss you-_

Somehow she couldn't help the automatic reflex of her fingers over the glowing blue numbers.

_-Yeah. Me too-_

**-x-**

At eight-fifty am, O'Hara sent her a text.

-_New doctor is in. No word yet on how he's dealing.-_

Jackie smirked.

_-Give him another hour. He'll cave.-_

No outsider could stand a chance to fit into their exclusive little group. All Saints may have been a madhouse, but they had a system that hated to be disrupted by any outside force. And usually said outside force was glad to escape the system once they'd had a taste of it.

**-x-**

It was hard to look in the mirror at the hospital. Jackie never saw what she wanted to see. She was so used to the face staring back at her looking weak, tired as hell, sallow and worn-out as death. That face was not as poignant these days. Even when she came close to looking like that, Jackie knew that the days of _that _face in the mirror were over.

At least, they should have been.

Some part of her would always _miss _that gritty game she used to play. Every other hour, slipping behind the door to the handicap stall in the very back of this bathroom. Smashing the pills and snorting the dust, trying to stay silent. Trying to disappear for that fifty-second time frame, pretending it had never happened, covering it so well. She had been such a kick-ass actress in those days . . . Sometimes she wondered if she could still pull it off. . .

It was dangerous to think like that, but who could help it?

It was like fantasizing about suicide - it was wrong, but wasn't it also a little healthy?

Healthcare was quite the paradox.

"Eddie brought doughnuts," a stuffed female voice mumbled upon entry.

Jackie didn't have to glance from the bathroom mirror. "Don't talk with your mouth full, Zoey."

Zoey gave her colleague a grim look, crumbs still lingering on her lips. "Why? You know the Heimlich."

Jackie rolled her eyes before the stall door closed behind her.

"So have you seen this new doctor yet?" she asked before she turned the faucet on. A mumble of something answered her, but it couldn't be heard above the rush of the water.

"I'm sorry?"

Zoey groaned and repeated herself, "I said no, but I've been patrolling the corridors with my phone camera at the ready."

"Nice."

**-x-**

Nobody cared to tell the staff about a new doctor at All Saints. They didn't get a name, they just got "some new guy". They learned quickly, but the learning part wasn't as bad as the introduction. It was always interesting to see how long the new boy would last. The dynamics of this place were so close to that of a fifth grade class awaiting the arrival of a mysterious new student. It was almost embarrassing.

Jackie wouldn't admit it to anyone but herself, but she was on alert all morning and all afternoon, waiting to stumble upon the mystery kid. She wondered if he was from a better school than theirs.

"You know they dealt with the rat problem about two years ago," a knowing voice said from behind her.

"Jesus, Eddie. You scared me."

He put his hands up in surrender, a great, easy grin on his face. "You looked like you were on a scavenger hunt."

"Now that you mention it, I _was_ looking for something."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

A quick, content kiss was the least of their risky business, in the public hallway.

"You coming in for lunch later?" he asked.

She didn't need to consider. "Sure."

Eddie squeezed her arm and smiled, stepping back into the pharmacy. "See ya then."

With a nod, Jackie backed in the opposite direction, feeling strangely like she should have stayed where she knew it was still safe.

But there was nothing to fear out there. . . so why did she feel this sinking sensation of dread upon the bacteria-infested air?

Before she could approach the nurse's station, Jackie stopped in her tracks, just a few steps away from her home base . . . but someone was blocking her way.

She only saw him from behind, but there was something about this man.

Something frustratingly aesthetic about the way his back was curved.

Something ickily comforting about the way his hand flowed across the chart.

Something gut-wrenchingly familiar about the way the fluorescent lights bounced off his profile.

Holy Christ. It _was _him.

He glanced back at her and she fucking hated that the moment had to be so Goddamn significant. With a buzz in her heart she hadn't felt in a while, she stumbled backwards behind the nearest curtain, where it was safe.

Like it or not, this was what being sober did. It messed with you and fucked with your poor unsalted brain. She was almost more hallucination-prone without the pills.

But fuck. This was no hallucination. He was _there. _Dammit, he was standing right outside with his charcoal Doc Martens and his lopsided stethoscope and his college-boy bedhead of rich brown hair.

It was fucking sick, but she found herself desperately wanting to hear his voice.

She wanted to hear him _say something. _Just to be sure it was all real.

She wanted to _provoke _him. Just to see if he still had . . . the tick.

Thoroughly disgusted by her curiosity and vaguely ill to her stomach, Jackie booked it out of the ER, straight to O'Hara's office.

The people and voices all blurred around her; she felt uncomfortably drunk. Stumbling on her way in, she tossed open the door and found her best friend seated at her desk, head smushed between her hands, a look of misery on her reasonably attractive face.

"You saw him?"

"Hell yes," Jackie confirmed, relieved to have some assurance that she was not simply crazy. "I saw him."

**-x-**

They had one of those discussions - one of those fucked-up, "we're tween girls in high school again" dramatic "what are we going to _do?_" types of discussions. Whispering in the corner of O'Hara's office, scandalized and distraught.

As was their agreed course of action, Jackie marched back into the chaos of the ER, head clear as a spring morning. Drug-free and proud. Drug-free and proud. She kept on repeating that phrase, and everything felt a little better.

_Just keep telling yourself that. _

Drug-free and fucking proud.

_He_ didn't know that, though.

Akalitus passed her on the way in, going through the wrong door again because that was what she liked to do, being in charge of the place. Jackie shifted past her, avoiding the hard, teacher-like stare from the head of the nursing staff.

_Be on your best behavior for the new student_, she seemed to say.

Hah. New student. He wasn't really a new student. He was the lame student who got transferred mid-year and came back in the middle of the school year again, a la awkwardness.

But Jackie wasn't going to let him pull any more shit. Not this time. No, this time she was prepared. This time, she knew what to expect. She knew every percentage on the pie chart of his jack-assery vs. his competence vs. his medical knowledge. She could take anything he threw at her and spit it right back without a blink.

It was almost too easy.

She approached him slowly where he stood, lost in a staring contest with the x-ray scans, scribbling on a clipboard without even looking at what he wrote. The whole situation was disturbingly familiar. He didn't even know he was being watched, and it was so like him to be oblivious. So like him to not even notice.

Oh.

Well, maybe she was wrong.

He turned, just a tad, just enough for her to see the edge of his profile, lit by the fluorescent panel in front of him. He took his glimpse, and his eyes stayed on her - clear but muddled - processing the fact that they were here again, in this same place, with the same problems, and the same grudges; everything _the same. _

Jackie was a brave woman, so she spoke up first. "You're not going to harass me relentlessly until I call you 'Coop' are you?"

He just smiled weakly and looked away.

For a second she worried something serious had happened to him, like he'd lost his voice or something. Then she realized how fucking scary it was that she was at all worried about _him_.

"So, are you not speaking to me or . . . ?"

He sighed and stopped writing to look up at her, and it was too weird to be looking right into his eyes again after all this time . . . For God's sake, what the hell was happening?

"Of course I'm speaking to you." His eyes softened immediately and his smile brightened. His expression was almost teasing in a way, and she hated herself a little for being pleased by that.

"So why the hell would you come back to All Saints after all this time?"

He shrugged. "A part of us always wants to go back to where we started out."

What the fuck was up with this man? Dr. Fitch Cooper did not talk like this.

"Pft. Not me."

He smirked. "You're an exception to many rules, Nurse Jackie."

"Thank you."

At this, he stopped scribbling. "Hah."

"What?"

"I kinda missed this."

"Excuse me?"

"Banter."

"Banter?"

"Yes - this, right now - this is banter." He gestured one hand back and forth between them and started chuckling in that mildly annoying manner she remembered so well. She cringed a little.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Coop."

"You don't have to call me that."

"I don't know what the hell else to call you."

"You don't know my first name?"

Was it fucking horrible that she _did _remember his first name after all these years? For a second she wanted to say she didn't, but for some reason she didn't want to lie to him. It would make her feel . . . dirty, somehow.

His eyes were, for all his credit, innocent.

"No, I . . . know your name."

"Then just call me Fitch from now on, okay?" he turned away, slightly hassled, as if this conversation was slowly turning into a waste of his time. In the real world, a conversation with Coop would have been a waste of _Jackie's _time. This must not have been the real world, because this didn't feel like a waste of time.

"I can't call you Fitch." She found herself laughing as she shook her head, and she didn't know for sure why.

He furrowed his eyes and pouted, as if this was greatly offensive.

Any second now, she was going to wake up in her bed. Any second now.

"Fine, then. Just call me Dr. Cooper."

"Oh, alright," she agreed sarcastically, "Let's be 'professionals'." With added air-quotes for good measure.

She realized too late what a sophomoric impression she was making, and promptly missed the days when _he _had been the childish one.

"Yeah," he said curtly as he strode past her for the door, "Professionals."


	5. Chapter 5

**Nurse Jackie**

**Over the Influence**

**5**

"Must have been in Miami or somewhere," Zoe said matter-of-factly, her eyes still stealthily following Dr. Cooper as he attended to patients through the narrow ER hall.

Jackie wasted three good seconds waiting for a punchline that never came. "Exactly what makes you say that?"

"His hair is lighter." Smiling brightly, Zoey turned to twirl a gestural finger around her head like a halo. "From the sun."

Mentally kicking herself a thousand times for doing it, Jackie took a second glance at Dr. Cooper's hair. Yeah, maybe it was a little lighter than before. What the hell did she know? Why the hell would she even care?

**-x-**

She spent the whole of her long walk home trying to soothe the stress away from her day by listening to her iPod.

Nothing like some good Annie Lennox and Carly Simon to make a shitty day feel not-so-shitty.

She stopped by the market to pick up a carton of whole milk and some sliced Wonder bread. She was forced to listen to the obviously stoned cashier make some lame Mexican racist jokes while he rung up her items.

Music didn't help much the rest of the way home.

She remembered Thor telling her something about Rogers and Hammerstein's _Cinderella _being on later that evening. First thing she did when she walked into her apartment was turn on ABC Family.

She fell asleep while humming along with Whitney Houston.

**-x-**

A much needed Saturday morning was spent on the phone with Eddie discussing Kevin's insecurity issues instead of laying in bed testing the snooze button on her alarm clock.

"It's fucking insane, Eddie. He wants to get back together, he's told me I don't know how many times, but then he says he's 'afraid it will ruin what we have.' What the _fuck _is that supposed to mean?"

Eddie did his low, reassuring, nothing-can-bother laugh over the phone. "I never knew you as one to freak out, Jackie. But you are freaking out right now . . . You do realize this, don't you?"

"Yes, dammit! Yes, I realize."

"Okay, listen. Let me stop by for lunch and we'll give it a talk, huh?"

"Yeah," she sighed, giving the messy apartment a reluctant once-over. "But don't expect me to clean up for you."

"I never do."

**-x-**

"It's bad. Real bad."

"How bad?"

"Bad as in, my neighbors are meth addicts and the owner of this place is down with their gig."

Eddie moaned in disapproval as he bit down on his onion bagel sandwich. "Jackie, you gotta get out of this place."

"What do you expect me to do? It's the closest I can find near All Saints, plus I'm not exactly rolling in cash right now with all this divorce shit." She kneaded her fingers into her forehead, fighting tears of frustration.

Things felt a little better as Eddie's hand met hers across the table.

"Look, Jackie, I've been thinking about your situation these past couple weeks and . . . I want to make you an offer."

"Oh, God." She knew what was coming.

"Yeah, that's right," he said, entirely calm. "Come stay with me."

"Eddie are you fucking serious? Kev would go ape-shit!"

"He doesn't have to know."

"Yeah, not for the first four hours, right?"

"Jackie, come on."

A gust of emotion left her body, leaving her feeling light and empty, but not devoid of stress.

"You're really serious?" she looked up at him incredulously, hesitant to believe that this was a possiblitiy. That her life could be . . . a little bit more normal.

"Of course I am, babe," he said with his signature toothy grin. "You're making me cry here."

She couldn't help but laugh, still trying to avoide the mushy, lean-on-my-shoulder moment she felt creeping up on them. "No offence, Eddie, but your place isn't much better than this."

"I'll admit there's some plumbing issues, some monthly visits from the exterminators . . ." They shared a loose laugh. "But there's a definite shortage of drug dealers."

"You know how fucking hard this is for me," she muttered, picking bits of her styrofoam coffee cup with her fingernails.

It wasn't a question. It was a plea for understanding.

"I know."

She could see it in his eyes. He was so sincere.

For the first time, she thought: this could work.

This could actually work.

"I'll think about it," she sighed, wrapping up the remains of her bagel sandwich and stuffing it into the cup.

He grinned, and the deal was sealed.

"I knew you would."

**Sorry for late update. Been a bit distracted with Season 3. Trying not to let that storyline bias mine too much. Just as a reminder to the readers, in this story Jackie IS sober. **

**But she of course encounters problems just as all recovering addicts do. **

**See ya on the flip.x**


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